I remember being in grade school and thinking 40 seemed like a lifetime away and those that already had arrived were ancient. Then fast forward to college and my twenties I felt like by the time I turn 40 I would then have all of life figured out. Now that I have reached this mark I have come to know that I am truly just beginning. Some things do come with age. I am more secure in who I am, but that little voice of doubt who I thought would be long gone still remains. I am just now a little bit better at telling it to go where the sun does not shine. Face lines grow deeper, but my laugh lines show years of joy. I find silver strands in my hair, yet the years of needing to have every hair perfectly aligned is not even a thought now. I am comfortable and that is a nice place to be after years of striving to be more. I am a mix of both my mother and father. American raised with Latinx roots. I am a child of God who has seen the unthinkable yet still has the greatest joy. I am a wife and a mother to a family I am still in awe of. Ellie has slowly been teaching me the piano which has been a life long dream that my dyslexic brain could never quite concur. I want to relearn spanish so I can talk to my papa with fluidity. I hope to continue to grow my business and still share here when it feels right. Most recently I started a newsletter that shares my monthly musings. It’s what I hope to be a fun happy to your inbox after months of heavy. You can subscribe here to see more. Thank you all for the years of being on this journey of life with me. You have truly made me better for it.
Thoughts...
It’s been quite some time since I have had the time or rather took the time to sit and write, but it finally happened while we were at the beach a few weeks ago. It came out more like a journal entry, but I feel like my life is made up of a many entries rather than one big novel. So this is me grappling with how to be more present, how to love others and myself better, how to be vulnerable without fear. This is me trying to stay on my path of being intentional.
Thoughts… June 7,2019
Today I got lost. Not like really lost, but lost enough where I couldn’t tell you the right path to take to get home. Instead of my normal reaction to stop and get my bearings I decided to take the path less travelled and continue on my journey to another place. During the meandering I thought a lot. I prayed a lot. And hoped that the storm rolling in wouldn’t get too intense while I was away. I thought back to the days when I was small and couldn’t officially play house in my cardboard box until it was properly decorated. I thought back to a time when I focused so hard on everything having to be so perfect before I could truly be in the moment and laugh. I then fast forward to today and see how my cardboard playhouse decorated to a tee has led me down the path of creating home for others. It just makes sense. The focusing on everything having to be perfect though has its time and place and maybe just maybe isn’t a place where I want to dwell too long. It’s a place where I tend to get anxious. A place where I get stuck and feel like I am on repeat. A place where I can quickly shift my focus from what is in front of me to a place where I can not thrive. I then stopped and prayed while I was seeing the moments where life would pass and asked God to help me realize the moments that would lead to a place where I’m not living my best life or even a life that just passes much too quickly without me being present for the little moments. I want to detour before the s***t hits the fan really. I know those moments all too well. I know that my heart starts to race. When I start to make up stories about what is happening, but not really happening. When I can’t look my children in their eyes and hear them, really hear them. That’s when I want to stop, need to stop. Take a breath and re route. Now I don’t have all the answers on how this will come about. How will I step out of the twister that has just begun. But I pray now that I can pin point my reactions, that I will now be able to calm the winds before the big storm hits.
The Rythms of Life
2012
2019
Today not only marks the last day of January, but also my intention of getting back into the rhythm of life and this ole blog. I can feel the desire to write here reawakened and have my posting calendar marked out for the year. I will be posting every Wednesday, because who doesn’t love a good hump day escape? I have shed the guilt of self care and defined what that looks like for me. We tackled our budget and have set new goals. Our family calendar could not have been a better decision for our family. I even took time to tackle my closet again with the tried and true Mari Kondo method as I knew that space no longer sparked joy. My need to scroll and scroll again has been broken, I have allowed myself to dream again, and have filled my head with so many inspiring reads all while intentionally moving my body in a way that works for me. This month has been dedicated to ordering my steps in a new way with hopes of not loosing myself in the shuffle of daily life. These are the days I don’t want to miss. My days are fleeting with my loves. I am sure over the next year I will have mis-steps, because life happens in big ways, but I hope the habits I am developing will be easy to come by once again. Thank you for going on this journey with me and I can’t wait to see what the rest of this year has in store for us all!
xx, Paula
