Rent

When we moved into this rental owned by a dear friend I did not know what to expect. We moved unexpectedly and although not far it was a shift in life. A new town, a new school, new neighbors, and new friends kept me on my toes. The toes of a ballerina whose shoes look beautiful on the outside, but wrapped and scared on the in. The older I have become the more unsettled I feel with change. The not knowing, the feeling of falling enveloped me. What I did not know at the time was that a year later that was exactly what I needed. I needed to have only my family to hold on to, I needed to be removed from my comfort zone, I needed to find me again. My daily prayers became screams of needing God more and that is exactly what I got while going through a long hard year. Five months of this year I was more in bed than out of it. I counted and it was an eye opening realization. Between sickness, my burns, and pure exhaustion I succumb to rest. It was what I needed. I did not realize I was running on empty so much so I did not know what anything but that could feel like anymore. Everything overwhelmed me. I stopped hearing Him clearly and once forced to stop it was all I could do but stop and listen. To worship in the quiet, to read the word in the quiet, to reach out in the quiet. I would love to say I'm finally in a good place, but I won't. I'm not sure I want to be. I have grown to desire that place where I realize I can't do anything well on my own and need God to renew me daily. This renewing let's me breath again.

But they who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary; they shall walk and not faint. - Isaiah 40:31

source: rug overstock | bistro table sold in stores | pillows pottery barn last year {similar, similar} | lantern {it also lived here} | ceiling color sea salt by Sherwin Williams

I AM

Who am I? Have you ever really asked yourself that question. Depending on how I feel at any given moment I could answer in so many different ways. I am a stay at home. I am a photographer. I am a blogger. I am one that overwhelms easily. I am one that wishes she was the most perfect homemaker. I am a mess most days. I am one that has it all together. I am, I am, I am. The list could go on and on really. Over the course of this year I have been slowly letting go of this list that happened to also act as a judge when I could not keep up with it and simply letting God's word grow deeper within me. Yes, much of the latter is what I do, but I have found I am not a list. I am not labeled by things I do or don't do, I am a daughter of Christ and was created for His workmanship. I was NOT created to be THE best. I was created to be the best of who He has made me to be. That is a place I am finally feeling comfortable dwelling in. He is the I AM and I am the one that had to be okay with letting go of my million of insecurities and allow God to work through me. This is me learning to be who He has created me to be. The good, the bad, and the down right ugly. This is simply me.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. - Ephesians 2:10

God said to Moses, “I am who I am.” And he said, “Say this to the people of Israel, ‘I am has sent me to you.’” - Exodus 3:14